I wake up every morning to a two year old flopping her amazingly hard and pointy body on my face and telling me,
"Wake up, Mama! I wanna watch Dora and the Mermaids!"
"SHIT", I think to myself. Some mornings I may even say that out loud but you won't get me to admit that in a court of law.
Then my almost 6 month old son, Charming, wakes up and sees me.
Well, he doesn't actually see ME - he sees my boobs. Let me tell you, it is something a male is born with. They look at a woman's boobs the same way when they are infants as when they are a grown ass man.
(Unless, of course, they play for the other team)
After nursing Charming and watching Dora, I have to start concentrating on their butts.
I change Charming's diaper and make sure his fat rolls are all cleaned out.
Sassy (my two year old) is potty trained now (can I get an AMEN?!!) so I drag her into the shower with me and scrub off all the skid marks left on her ass cheeks. Two year olds are not the best at wiping their own butts.
After we finish our bath/shower, I get us all dried off and dressed.
Charming realizes it's been over an hour since his last encounter with the milk maid, so he starts giving me the 'look'.
Boob time AGAIN.
And so the rest of the day goes pretty much the same: Boobs - Butts - Baths
There is a nap or two scheduled in there somewhere but it's not so good to count on it.
You may think that this sounds like a very boring and soul-sucking situation....
....and you would be right!
However, these kids of mine have special powers. I think they might have the ability to 'glamour' me like a vampire.
Just when they push me to the brink and I think I'm gonna buy myself a one way ticket to Fiji, I get a look like this:
Do you see fangs? I think I do...
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